This Is As Bad For You As Smoking
...and it's not what you think.
Can you guess what it is?
If you guessed...
Loneliness. Disconnection. Lack of intimacy.
...you win the prize. (a virtual fist bump)
And if you haven't experienced at least one of these, especially in the past year+, you just might be a magical unicorn.(And in that case, quick, take a selfie and send - I've been looking for you my whole life!)
There's no doubt that the whole sheltering in place sitch certainly put all of our relationships to the test.
But what I find particularly intriguing is that even pre-COVID a number of women in this very community voiced a yearning for deeper, more nourishing friendships...even when they already had a posse (or more) that they belonged to.
These women intuitively knew that they had the capacity to both give and receive far more support, lovin', and intimacy than they were experiencing.
"This is because we're social beings. We don't just thrive on feeling emotionally connected to others; research shows we're wired to connect with others - that we actually function best when we feel we are woven tightly in relationships. Unfortunately, too often in this day and age we feel less connected than we'd like - no matter how many social media friends or connections we have." - Shasta Nelson, author of Frientimacy
Can you relate?
If so, know that you're in good company.
Most of us are not lonely because we don’t know peeps - we’re lonely because most of those relationships are missing the depth and ease and intimacy that we're hungry (perhaps, starving) for.
So, what's a sister to do?
Below are a few steps you can take to flip your frientimacy script:
Make Like Micheal Jackson
Remember MJ's classic "Man in the Mirror"? Well, it totally applies here - start with the "mama" in the mirror. No one is without wounds, hurts, and experiences that inform how they perceive their relationships. By compassionately exploring how you show up inside your friendships, you could (and most likely will) find clues that will help you to see how you are blocking yourself from experiencing more of what you are craving.
BTW: it can be hard to lovingly call ourselves out or discover the ways in which we keep ourselves from what we say we want. If that's you, know that it can be helpful to reach out to others you trust. They can reflect back to you what they see and while it's not always easy to hear, it can really help you to create the change you wish to make in your life. Coaches can also be catalysts for this change. If you could use some help with this, I got you. (I have a few seshs available gratis) Reach out and claim one.
Put Yourself Out There
Meet someone you just seem to click with? Get the vibe that this person could be your next BFF? Ask them out on a date! For real. You can legit just say something like, "Hey, I really dig your vibe. Would you be interested in going for a walk or meeting up for coffee? I'd love to get to know you better."
I've def done this...many times. AND, I've also been on the receiving end of the "ask". While not everyone has become my bestie, I have met some pretty interesting people, and never regretted asking or saying "yes".
Adopt a "there is always something to learn" attitude
If you are risk averse or are tending to some friendship wounds, it can be really helpful to go into what feels like a vulnerable situation with curiosity. Ask yourself, "If this experience was here for me (vs. against me), what would it have to teach me?" When you do, you'll not only learn something, but you'll minimize disappointment (something so many of us fear).
Listen, if you are interested in leveling up the frientimacy in your life, we're going to be reading Shasta Nelson's book inside my kick ass book club, The Thrive Hive.
I invite you to grab a gal pal and place those beautiful buns of yours around our virtual table!
Oh what, you think you don't got time for that?
Think again, grrrl!
Reading is just a few pages a day, so your busy schedule ain't got nuthin' to do with this. ;)
And besides, Hivers have raved that even when they weren't able to get through all the assigned reading, they continued to find our time together super valuable and enjoyable as our discussions are playful yet powerful, easy to contribute to, and they organically put you in the practice of making new friends!
We get the party started Thursday, June 24th at 6pm PST. (meets every other week)
To learn more and to register click HERE.
Already part of The Hive? I can't wait to crack this book open with you and get the convo started! It's going to be bananas!
Whatever you do I hope you feel seen, heard, and loved on. When that's the case, our experience of health and well-being is next level...and you deserve nothing less, always.